The quote wall

In my defense, when I panic I just talk.

I wrote them all down on my pen and feather, and it's at work.

It sounded like lots of fucking, so I don't know.

It's like throwing a cinder block through a windshield.

Well, if only we had a guy for that. A guy who can do shit on our website. My guy's Claude. Claude's my guy.

It's 2026, guys. You should put alt tags on your fucking photos.

Ditka gave him one take.

Insurance fraud is not a good idea, kids.

All that fucking Sharpie ink I wasted for nothing.

Does this episode get your mahogany moving?

Grabs you by the prison wallet and doesn't let go.

I felt like this is fitting because this is what you get for a birthday cake when you're old.

It kind of tastes like rocks. If I was eating tiny rocks, there's no flavor to it.

Anything that brings you comfort is cool.

I only have a good sound and a bad sound.

For those playing at home, the first person that got me on dating apps was Shaun.

Shave your thighs too. Gold Bond spray does wonders.

It's the same reason why I don't have a name on my boat.

I like Gatorade. I also like Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Sometimes we like to throw shit at Mike.

Logan and I are trying to have high standards with our cocktails.

The cakey got bakey.

It does both taste and smell the way I imagined the '20s taste and smell.

He just has to play 19 sound effects in a row and then he's ready to go.

You know what it reminds me of? My grandpa's aftershave.

Everyone should get naked in the Ozarks and wear cowboy hats.

I'm the manliest coffee drinker, but probably the least manly beer drinker out of you.

Guys, we're idiots and Logan's keeping us in line.

Bringing your glove. Still cool.

It was never cool, but sometimes you deserve it.

The longer he's gone, the more I forget him.

Everything tastes pretty good after four of them.

To anyone who's only listening, I'm sure this is riveting.

He's rubbing his cargo shorts. He's getting all the sweat off his hands.

If you don't own those things and they can just be taken away from you, it's very easy for them to have never existed.

There's almost never anything on it, but you just feel clean.

Jack Black. I'd be pretty much the same, but publicly funny instead of privately.

I love just watching Logan's faces. There's such disappointment without saying a word.

Guess we're not getting any clips from this one. Can you say demonetized?

Quack. Quack. Oh, wait. That's hockey. Never mind.

Feel so old and uncool. I was at home by 10:00.

Reebok was always number two, even in apparel back in the day.

Dude, we're your aunt and uncle's favorite podcast. They just don't know it yet.

No such thing as a spare beer.

Every kid was a pyro at some point in their life.

No matter what, it's going to be fun to watch. I'm here for it.

It is an audio podcast. You have to keep talking.

My mind went somewhere real dark, and I was like, I'm so glad this is Patreon right now.

The cost of these insurance premiums is too damn high.

Garage sale penis pump is a great band name.

This was my first 'I'm an adult now.' I'm a Plus member, thank you very much.

That's for the Patreon. We do the motherfucker for the Patreon.

It's always a good day to get a new smoker.

Don't call Shaun. That's a bad idea. Call me.

If Todd wins again, I will laugh my ass off. Hey, Todd, don't win this one.

It sounds like there's a giraffe dying over there.

So anyone listening, when you find out we died, just know it was Erik's fault.

This hamster's way off the wheel.

Watch The Pit. Literally the best show on TV right now.

The Patreon is the equivalent of unprotected sex. We're raw doggin' over here.

Thank you so much for being Patreon subscribers. We really hope you enjoy all the debauchery.

I found a list online. Glitter Fart 69.

You know what? I don't think your opinion is worth anything.

You just fixed a lot of things wrong in my life.

We promised a bonus episode, not a bonus dad joke.

If they want to hear the most unhinged stupid shit in their life, this is us with no filter.

He's been 100 my whole life.

No, I'm side of the road good-looking. Like, you pass me, you go, that was probably a pretty good-looking guy.

There's going to be 15 to 30 minutes that no one else will hear. You can only hear it on Patreon.

I want a thousand-gallon water bed.

It's never going to be cheaper.

I can definitely explain to you, step by step, why you pissed me off.

I get nervous just to look at a recipe from him, 'cause I'm like, he's going to yell at me.

You're not allowed to ask if Diddy is still cool.

It's like paying to be friends.

I'm just watching them and I'm going, that's all unnecessary. Can you just make my drink?

Give me the one that's going to kill me.

There'd be way more shot skis and just as many dumped on people.

We're finally going to get cancelled.

I think it's funny that we think we're going to be able to make another episode after this one.

I sat up on the deck and watched basically 14 hours of college football.

My sugar's getting low, guys. I need a bite.

It's like we keep showing up whether you want us or not.

Now it's like day drinking is way better.

Smells like Ben Gay in here.

Note to self: carry a pen with you when you're at these events.

I guess you don't get babies Gatorade.

Clint, please keep feeding us information.

It felt like a breakfast shot.

That'll be the name. Hulk Piss.